Major changes to the upcoming prom have students outraged. 

Not only can freshmen come to prom, now they are the only Spartans who can. 

Only freshmen are allowed to come.

The idea of Marian Catholic welcoming underclassmen to the previous dances has grown from inclusion to a total takeover: Just Freshmen!

Seniors, juniors and sophomores, stay home.  Maybe make some Tik Toks?

The change comes as a natural evolution of Marian Catholic’s new initiatives to integrate freshmen into previously restricted activities. 

“We collectively felt that it was time [to allow freshmen to all dances], because it’s such an old Marian idea that freshmen need to focus on their first year in high school,” new incoming School Vice-Vice President Olive Immaturity told The Spartan Star.

“These poor young adolescents weren’t able to complete their last year of middle school, attending all of their 8th Grade activities and all. So we, the entire Marian Catholic administration office, have decided it is time for these pitiable children to get the celebration they deserve for surviving middle school,” Immaturity said. 

The change to Prom has not been warmly received, especially by sophomores. 

“I gotta cut loose. Footloose. Kick off my Sunday shoes,” said Spartan Sophomore Thereisabeard Undermyfacemask.

“Sophomores should be treated special too,” said Sophomore Ileftmy Badgeathome. “We had freshman year over Zoom.”  

“Yeah. If we got to go to school last year, we would’ve been just as disruptive and annoying as freshmen too,” said  Mya Airpodsin. 

The vice-vice-principal disagreed but not in a disagreeable way. 

“You all should be happy for the freshmen, since they get to experience what you didn’t. And really that applies to all classes at Marian, so stop being so selfish all of you,” Immaturity said. 

Some teachers agreed with the sophomore’s take. 

“Don’t just punish seniors, juniors and sophomores. Make freshmen suffer too,” said English teacher Mr. Takeyourairpodsout. 

When informed that the school had made its final decision, Mr. Takeyourairpodsout said, “At least someone’s being punished.”

Spartan freshman, there are golden tickets still available for prom. 

Another difference with this year’s prom is a change in venue. 

Golden tickets will allow freshmen to enter Willy Wonka’s Factory in Munich, Germany for all-you-can-eat chocolate.  

A live band featuring Randy Watson will perform throughout the dance.

Congratulations freshmen on being given a privilege and further babied by being presented with low expectations. Enjoy it for now. And those who come after you…don’t mess it up for them next year. 

As for seniors, juniors and sophomores, there’s always the #1980sPromChallenge.

For more information on prom and the #1980sPromChallenge click here.

What’s really great is the fact that none of this is true.